I guess if adoption was easy everyone would do it, right? Adoption is hard. The paperwork process is long and hard, the waiting is harder and watching your new baby grieve is the hardest!
With Cheyenne, it was easy. She didn't grieve at all the first several days and even when she did show grief it was short lived. We were worried that may mean it would take her a long time to bond with a family. Thankfully that was not true. As we've come to learn, she was treated so poorly in the orphanage, she just couldn't wait to get away.
We expected this experience to be harder. We knew Faith was in a foster family and we knew this would make it more difficult for her to understand. In her eyes, it is the same as if we are truly kidnapping her. We were hoping that our regular video chats would ease the pain and transition but we were not so lucky.
We got to the civil affairs office today before they arrived. When they came in, she was grins and giggles. She gave all of us a hug. We had to complete some paperwork and she was willing to play with all of the kids but any time Kevin or I would attempt to get her to come to us she would just cling to her foster mother. We knew that would make it tough...and it did.
When we were done with the paperwork and allowed to leave, we stopped outside to take some pictures. I wanted some of the her with her foster mother and the orphanage director and then I was hoping to get some of the six of us. She cooperated as long as her familiar faces were there but as soon as they left, the melt down began. Poor thing cried hard for a solid 15 minutes and was screaming for her "auntie" (foster mom). She kept saying she wanted to go back. We thought for sure she would fall asleep in the van on the way back to the hotel but she was still in flight mode.
Once we were back to the room, she seemed to do much better. We pulled out the play doh and all the kids were playing beautifully together. Later, we left to meet our guide for dinner. When we were back with the guide Faith kept asking again for her "auntie". When the guide told her that we would see her auntie in the morning but she would not be returning with her but instead would be staying with us, a new meltdown ensued. This one caused her to choke on her rice and made us eventually leave to take her outside to try to distract her. Once we were headed back to the room she seemed better again.
Kevin and Casey went to find some fruit for her because she barely ate her dinner and the orphanage staff told us she normally has fruit for a bedtime snack. While they were gone she needed to go potty. She didn't pull her pants down far enough and I was worried she would pee all over them so I pulled them down to her ankles. She was not happy with this and then the mega meltdown stated. I held her and tried to comfort her but she threw a full on tantrum. Eventually she calmed down and we decided to try to give the girls a bath. When we started taking her shoes off, a new mega meltdown began. She told Kevin (threw her screams and tears) that if her shoes were off, she couldn't go back! :( My heart broke into a million pieces. Once she was in the bath, she had a great time. The girls played and splashed until the water was almost cold. Then I bathed her and put them in the matching PJs we bought for them. She is doing ok now but is still grieving and has moments where she starts crying out of the blue for no apparent reason. She clearly misses her "auntie" and her foster sister.
The good news in all of this is - if she was so well bonded to them, it shows she will absolutely bond and attach well to us. We just have to give it time.
With Cheyenne, it was easy. She didn't grieve at all the first several days and even when she did show grief it was short lived. We were worried that may mean it would take her a long time to bond with a family. Thankfully that was not true. As we've come to learn, she was treated so poorly in the orphanage, she just couldn't wait to get away.
We expected this experience to be harder. We knew Faith was in a foster family and we knew this would make it more difficult for her to understand. In her eyes, it is the same as if we are truly kidnapping her. We were hoping that our regular video chats would ease the pain and transition but we were not so lucky.
We got to the civil affairs office today before they arrived. When they came in, she was grins and giggles. She gave all of us a hug. We had to complete some paperwork and she was willing to play with all of the kids but any time Kevin or I would attempt to get her to come to us she would just cling to her foster mother. We knew that would make it tough...and it did.
When we were done with the paperwork and allowed to leave, we stopped outside to take some pictures. I wanted some of the her with her foster mother and the orphanage director and then I was hoping to get some of the six of us. She cooperated as long as her familiar faces were there but as soon as they left, the melt down began. Poor thing cried hard for a solid 15 minutes and was screaming for her "auntie" (foster mom). She kept saying she wanted to go back. We thought for sure she would fall asleep in the van on the way back to the hotel but she was still in flight mode.
Once we were back to the room, she seemed to do much better. We pulled out the play doh and all the kids were playing beautifully together. Later, we left to meet our guide for dinner. When we were back with the guide Faith kept asking again for her "auntie". When the guide told her that we would see her auntie in the morning but she would not be returning with her but instead would be staying with us, a new meltdown ensued. This one caused her to choke on her rice and made us eventually leave to take her outside to try to distract her. Once we were headed back to the room she seemed better again.
Kevin and Casey went to find some fruit for her because she barely ate her dinner and the orphanage staff told us she normally has fruit for a bedtime snack. While they were gone she needed to go potty. She didn't pull her pants down far enough and I was worried she would pee all over them so I pulled them down to her ankles. She was not happy with this and then the mega meltdown stated. I held her and tried to comfort her but she threw a full on tantrum. Eventually she calmed down and we decided to try to give the girls a bath. When we started taking her shoes off, a new mega meltdown began. She told Kevin (threw her screams and tears) that if her shoes were off, she couldn't go back! :( My heart broke into a million pieces. Once she was in the bath, she had a great time. The girls played and splashed until the water was almost cold. Then I bathed her and put them in the matching PJs we bought for them. She is doing ok now but is still grieving and has moments where she starts crying out of the blue for no apparent reason. She clearly misses her "auntie" and her foster sister.
The good news in all of this is - if she was so well bonded to them, it shows she will absolutely bond and attach well to us. We just have to give it time.
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