I've been asked several times lately about the challenges of adopting a child who speaks a different language. Of course, in addition to the other obstacles I've written about, the language barrier certainly doesn't make life any easier, but it's really not as bad as most people imagine.
Did you know that in any verbal communication, only 7% of the message is conveyed by words? Yep, according to 'Psychology Today', it's only 7%! The rest is tone of voice (38%) and body language (55%). This means that the majority of all of our verbal communication is through body language. If you think about this for a minute, you will agree. For example, how many times have you or your spouse said to each other, "It's not what you said...it's HOW you said it." That philosophy certainly helps ease a transition when people don't know the same words.
Smiles, hugs, tears, the "come here" motion, the famous "I have to go pee pee" dance/motion and even the sshhh motion seem to have the same meaning in all languages. That might be enough to get by with a young child but with older child adoption, it is important to know at least a few key words or phrases. In my case, I learned how to ask "Are you hungry?", "Are you thirsty?", "Are you tired?", "Are you scared?" and of course "I love you." in Mandarin. Kevin learned to speak Mandarin very well. He will tell you that he only learned enough to communicate with a child, but that's an understatement as he has held his own in plenty of adult conversations while in China. This helps tremendously when he is around, but when he is away, I have to rely on my own understanding of our girls' body language, and show them mine to get the most out of our time.
For example, when Faith wants to show me something, she just carries it over to me and says "Ka, mommy". It's not too hard to figure out that she really means "Look, mommy." So I smile and give it the due attention but then teach her to say "Look, mommy" instead. Once I know she understands, I slowly stop answering to "Ka, mommy" and only answer to "look, mommy". If something is too large for her to carry over to me, she will simply come to wherever I am, grab me by the hand and pull/lead me to what she wants to show me.
Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately), kids are little sponges and they learn very quickly. It only takes me asking once or twice "Do you want a drink?" (while pointing to a cup) for them to learn and know what I'm asking and then in turn, they will come ask for a "drink?" when they are thirsty.
Each day gets a little easier. She learns a few more words and I learn a few more of her phrases. When all else fails, technology also helps. There are many translator apps that will even allow you to push a button and have a conversation in two different languages.
I will admit, there has been more than once when Faith is being a little chatter box in Chinese. When she's talking so fast that I can't even make out the few key words I know to try to decipher what she's saying...in those moments, I just smile, nod and agree. In those moments, I can only hope that she's also not calling me all kinds of bad names...but again, reading her body language helps makes me feel better about that too. I figure since she's only six, she's likely not asking for a trip to Europe or telling me some super top secret mission launch codes. 😜
Did you know that in any verbal communication, only 7% of the message is conveyed by words? Yep, according to 'Psychology Today', it's only 7%! The rest is tone of voice (38%) and body language (55%). This means that the majority of all of our verbal communication is through body language. If you think about this for a minute, you will agree. For example, how many times have you or your spouse said to each other, "It's not what you said...it's HOW you said it." That philosophy certainly helps ease a transition when people don't know the same words.
Smiles, hugs, tears, the "come here" motion, the famous "I have to go pee pee" dance/motion and even the sshhh motion seem to have the same meaning in all languages. That might be enough to get by with a young child but with older child adoption, it is important to know at least a few key words or phrases. In my case, I learned how to ask "Are you hungry?", "Are you thirsty?", "Are you tired?", "Are you scared?" and of course "I love you." in Mandarin. Kevin learned to speak Mandarin very well. He will tell you that he only learned enough to communicate with a child, but that's an understatement as he has held his own in plenty of adult conversations while in China. This helps tremendously when he is around, but when he is away, I have to rely on my own understanding of our girls' body language, and show them mine to get the most out of our time.
For example, when Faith wants to show me something, she just carries it over to me and says "Ka, mommy". It's not too hard to figure out that she really means "Look, mommy." So I smile and give it the due attention but then teach her to say "Look, mommy" instead. Once I know she understands, I slowly stop answering to "Ka, mommy" and only answer to "look, mommy". If something is too large for her to carry over to me, she will simply come to wherever I am, grab me by the hand and pull/lead me to what she wants to show me.
Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately), kids are little sponges and they learn very quickly. It only takes me asking once or twice "Do you want a drink?" (while pointing to a cup) for them to learn and know what I'm asking and then in turn, they will come ask for a "drink?" when they are thirsty.
Each day gets a little easier. She learns a few more words and I learn a few more of her phrases. When all else fails, technology also helps. There are many translator apps that will even allow you to push a button and have a conversation in two different languages.
I will admit, there has been more than once when Faith is being a little chatter box in Chinese. When she's talking so fast that I can't even make out the few key words I know to try to decipher what she's saying...in those moments, I just smile, nod and agree. In those moments, I can only hope that she's also not calling me all kinds of bad names...but again, reading her body language helps makes me feel better about that too. I figure since she's only six, she's likely not asking for a trip to Europe or telling me some super top secret mission launch codes. 😜
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