Can you believe today marks 6 MONTHS since we walked into that Civil Affairs building halfway around the world and opened our arms and our hearts to our beautiful new daughter?
When we brought Cheyenne home, "Hello" and "Thank you" were about the only English words she knew. Of course Kevin taught himself how to speak Mandarin so he could easily communicate with her. Me on the other hand - not so much! I remember the first week or two, any time I tried to help her with something she wanted to do, she would shout out what sounded like obscenities at me. Eventually I figured out that she was telling me she wanted to do it. So I taught her to calmly say, "I can do it." After just a reminder or two, she caught on.
Originally, I was planning to take three or four weeks off of work to stay home with her. But surprisingly, since she saw the boys going to school and back, she kept asking when she could go to school. While we didn't really see the point in sending her for just a few weeks, we couldn't come up with a good reason not to allow her to go. So we registered her for before and after school daycare and placed her into the First Grade. Even though she still didn't understand much English, she did really well. Her teacher told us that she followed directions well and when the other kiddos were writing in their journals, she would "write" (AKA draw/scribble) in her notebook too.
When we started the adoption process, we knew it would only be a matter of time before we moved into a better and more diverse school district. I'm pretty sure Cheyenne was the ONLY Asian in our school. We weren't planning to move for at least a year but we had friends who were selling their house in Mason, which is the 11th school district in the Nation! Their Asian population is around 22% and their academic curriculum is outstanding. Our friends gave us a tour of their house and we knew it would be perfect for our family. We wanted to be in before the new school year started so we quickly worked on selling our house. We were fortunate enough to sell our house in time to move in two weeks before the school year began. The boys were a little sad to leave their small, Christian school, but overall they were agreeable and excited to move into the "big house" in a real cul de sac street.
Our new house is beautiful and has room enough for everyone to spread out. We even have an extra bedroom in case our family continues to grow... ;-)
There is a house next door with three boys all close in age to our boys. They've already become fast friends. The schools and the staff have been great and you can tell they truly care about their students.
While most of it has been great, we've had some several challenges along the way too. Cheyenne was given virtually a clean bill of heath from the International Adoption Clinic (IAC). They actually removed both diagnoses China had in her file. They also feel confident that she was NOT sexually abused in the orphanage (which was a huge relief for us). Unfortunately, we have learned that she was frequently physically abused. The specific details are her story to tell, but we are working hard to get her to trust that we will never hit or harm her in any way.
As if Cheyenne's trauma wasn't enough to deal with, there was a point this summer where I was sure I wasn't going to win the Mother of the Year Award. Nathan had been telling me for weeks (maybe even months) that his toe was hurting. When I finally saw it, it was beat red, swollen and warm to the touch. I knew he had a serious infected ingrown toenail. When I took him to see the foot doctor, she had to do an X-ray to determine if the infection was deep enough to go into the bone. It looked as if it might be. She removed the ingrown nail and prescribed some serious antibiotics. She told me if it wasn't healed in three weeks, we'd have to do an MRI and potentially do surgery in order to get it cured. I felt SO bad! I remember holding it together long enough to drive home but going upstairs and crying as soon as we got there. I was so focused on one child, I felt as if I had neglected another. Kevin did his best to convince me that Nathan has two parents and it was just as much his "fault" as it was mine. But as his mother I felt like it's my job to be the nurturer. Fortunately, the toe healed up pretty well and the MRI and surgery was not needed.
It's been so neat watching Casey grow into his new role of being the big brother. Both boys love Cheyenne. Nathan gets easily annoyed with her but still is very helpful and protective over her. Casey is closer in age, so naturally he is more willing to play with her...although she hasn't convinced him to play Barbies with her - yet. :)
As I reflect back on the past six months, it is almost overwhelming. Cheyenne is doing so great adjusting to life here with us. Now, she speaks only English and while her grammar is still developing, even strangers can understand her. She's doing great in second grade and her teacher even sent me a video via text of her reading her first little sight word book to her whole class. In some ways if you didn't know any better, you would think she's been here in the US and with us her whole life. Strangers are always amazed when they learn she's only been part of our family for a few short months. I've even had people tell me that she looks "just like" me and could be my "real daughter" (to which I usually say "She is my real daughter").
She is so incredibly affectionate. She is still dealing with the prior trauma but she has already come leaps and bounds from where she started. I can't imagine ever going through everything she's already had to experience in her short 8 years of life. She is so brave. She is so happy. So far she seems to be completely blocking out all of China. We think this is her way of dealing with the previous abuse/trauma she went through. Even when we show her pictures of herself in China and say something like "Where were you in this picture?" she will always say "'Merica". When we try to get her to tell us about her orphanage or experiences she had there (good or bad) she won't discuss it. There was one time we got her to tell us that she slept on the third floor and ate on the second. But when we tried to get the conversation to go any deeper than that, she completely shut down and stopped talking. I'm sure in time she will feel more comfortable and safe telling us about it. When she's ready to talk, we'll be ready to listen and to dry tears if necessary. But until then we will keep showing her what it means to be a family and make sure she knows every day how loved she is and how lucky we are to have her in our family.
Here's a look at the last six months.
When we brought Cheyenne home, "Hello" and "Thank you" were about the only English words she knew. Of course Kevin taught himself how to speak Mandarin so he could easily communicate with her. Me on the other hand - not so much! I remember the first week or two, any time I tried to help her with something she wanted to do, she would shout out what sounded like obscenities at me. Eventually I figured out that she was telling me she wanted to do it. So I taught her to calmly say, "I can do it." After just a reminder or two, she caught on.
Originally, I was planning to take three or four weeks off of work to stay home with her. But surprisingly, since she saw the boys going to school and back, she kept asking when she could go to school. While we didn't really see the point in sending her for just a few weeks, we couldn't come up with a good reason not to allow her to go. So we registered her for before and after school daycare and placed her into the First Grade. Even though she still didn't understand much English, she did really well. Her teacher told us that she followed directions well and when the other kiddos were writing in their journals, she would "write" (AKA draw/scribble) in her notebook too.
When we started the adoption process, we knew it would only be a matter of time before we moved into a better and more diverse school district. I'm pretty sure Cheyenne was the ONLY Asian in our school. We weren't planning to move for at least a year but we had friends who were selling their house in Mason, which is the 11th school district in the Nation! Their Asian population is around 22% and their academic curriculum is outstanding. Our friends gave us a tour of their house and we knew it would be perfect for our family. We wanted to be in before the new school year started so we quickly worked on selling our house. We were fortunate enough to sell our house in time to move in two weeks before the school year began. The boys were a little sad to leave their small, Christian school, but overall they were agreeable and excited to move into the "big house" in a real cul de sac street.
Our new house is beautiful and has room enough for everyone to spread out. We even have an extra bedroom in case our family continues to grow... ;-)
There is a house next door with three boys all close in age to our boys. They've already become fast friends. The schools and the staff have been great and you can tell they truly care about their students.
While most of it has been great, we've had some several challenges along the way too. Cheyenne was given virtually a clean bill of heath from the International Adoption Clinic (IAC). They actually removed both diagnoses China had in her file. They also feel confident that she was NOT sexually abused in the orphanage (which was a huge relief for us). Unfortunately, we have learned that she was frequently physically abused. The specific details are her story to tell, but we are working hard to get her to trust that we will never hit or harm her in any way.
As if Cheyenne's trauma wasn't enough to deal with, there was a point this summer where I was sure I wasn't going to win the Mother of the Year Award. Nathan had been telling me for weeks (maybe even months) that his toe was hurting. When I finally saw it, it was beat red, swollen and warm to the touch. I knew he had a serious infected ingrown toenail. When I took him to see the foot doctor, she had to do an X-ray to determine if the infection was deep enough to go into the bone. It looked as if it might be. She removed the ingrown nail and prescribed some serious antibiotics. She told me if it wasn't healed in three weeks, we'd have to do an MRI and potentially do surgery in order to get it cured. I felt SO bad! I remember holding it together long enough to drive home but going upstairs and crying as soon as we got there. I was so focused on one child, I felt as if I had neglected another. Kevin did his best to convince me that Nathan has two parents and it was just as much his "fault" as it was mine. But as his mother I felt like it's my job to be the nurturer. Fortunately, the toe healed up pretty well and the MRI and surgery was not needed.
It's been so neat watching Casey grow into his new role of being the big brother. Both boys love Cheyenne. Nathan gets easily annoyed with her but still is very helpful and protective over her. Casey is closer in age, so naturally he is more willing to play with her...although she hasn't convinced him to play Barbies with her - yet. :)
As I reflect back on the past six months, it is almost overwhelming. Cheyenne is doing so great adjusting to life here with us. Now, she speaks only English and while her grammar is still developing, even strangers can understand her. She's doing great in second grade and her teacher even sent me a video via text of her reading her first little sight word book to her whole class. In some ways if you didn't know any better, you would think she's been here in the US and with us her whole life. Strangers are always amazed when they learn she's only been part of our family for a few short months. I've even had people tell me that she looks "just like" me and could be my "real daughter" (to which I usually say "She is my real daughter").
She is so incredibly affectionate. She is still dealing with the prior trauma but she has already come leaps and bounds from where she started. I can't imagine ever going through everything she's already had to experience in her short 8 years of life. She is so brave. She is so happy. So far she seems to be completely blocking out all of China. We think this is her way of dealing with the previous abuse/trauma she went through. Even when we show her pictures of herself in China and say something like "Where were you in this picture?" she will always say "'Merica". When we try to get her to tell us about her orphanage or experiences she had there (good or bad) she won't discuss it. There was one time we got her to tell us that she slept on the third floor and ate on the second. But when we tried to get the conversation to go any deeper than that, she completely shut down and stopped talking. I'm sure in time she will feel more comfortable and safe telling us about it. When she's ready to talk, we'll be ready to listen and to dry tears if necessary. But until then we will keep showing her what it means to be a family and make sure she knows every day how loved she is and how lucky we are to have her in our family.
Here's a look at the last six months.
First Easter
First trip to Kings Island
1 month
First day of school (1st grade)
First family photo as a family of 5
Two months (just had her ears pierced)
Big brother Casey reading her a bedtime story.
New House
Sleeping on big brother Nathan
Father's Day
3 months
Cheyenne does NOT like olives!
Fourth of July
Seeing the city skyline
Four months
First Bengals game
First day in the new school
Five months
Six Months!
